The Sacred and Most Divine
Canons, Appointments,
History and Scripture
of the
Monastic Order of VAX Worshipers,
known as the Sacred Manual
of said order,
as recorded by the Sacred Scribe,
ratified by the Order
and canonized by the Holy C
on this, the 4th day of July,
in the year of our VAX, nine.
CONTENTS
THE SACRED AND MOST DIVINE CANONS
ORGANIZATION OF THE ORDER
CODE OF COMPUTATIONAL CONDUCT
THE HOLY AND MOST DIVINE APPOINTMENTS
THE SACRED AND MOST DIVINE HISTORY
THE SACRED AND MOST DIVINE SCRIPTURE
The Title of this Order shall be: "The Monastic Order of VAX Worshipers".
The proper abbreviation of the Sacred Title shall be: "MOVW".
The Motto of this Order shall be: "VAXus Primus est."
The proper translation of the Sacred Motto into English shall be:
"VAX is supreme."
The Sacred Legend of this Order shall be: "VAXus Primus -- Corvus Suxus".
The proper translation of the Sacred Legend into English shall
be: "VAX is supreme -- Corvus sucks".
The Great Seal shall be: "A VT terminal displaying the
title of the Order, circumscribed by the Sacred Legend in a
clockwise manner from the 7 o'clock to the 5 o'clock position,
and by the abbreviation of the Order in a counterclockwise manner
at the 6 o'clock position. The legend and the abbreviation shall
be delimited by asterikes.
The hierarchy of this Order shall have three divisions: laity,
priesthood and bishopric.
The title of rank for the layity shall be: "VAX Worshiper".
The Laity shall extend to all persons joining the Order not
ordained to a higher rank. A user many be inducted into the
Order by the Sacred College of Pigeons, so as long as he observes
the rules imposed upon him. Violation of said rules shall result
in excommunication.
A lay member of the Order shall at all times show dedication
to the VAX. He must uphold the Sacred Scripture of the Order and
hold the VAXiene Creed to be his profession of faith.
As no extraordinary rules or restrictions are imposed upon
the laity, other than the obvious requirement that they be
dedicated to the VAX, the laity shall not be granted any special
rights or responsibilities.
The title of rank for the priesthood shall be: "High Priest".
A member of the Order in good standing may be ordained to
the priesthood by a bishop, so as long as he observes the rules
so imposed upon him. Violation of said rules shall result in the
nullification of the ordination.
A priest of the Order shall uphold the way of the VAX at all
times. His thoughts and actions must be pure to the VAX. He
must not offend the VAX in any way, lest the VAX clobber his
account. It is in recognition of his sacred role that a priest
of the Order is forever bound to the Code of Computational
Conduct, Part the Fourth of the Divine Canons in the Sacred Manual.
A priest of this Order shall be granted the divine
responsibility of conducting worship sessions. He may settle
disputes amoung the laity, and administer the sacrements.
The title of rank for the bishopric shall be: "VAX Patriarch".
An additional title of rank for the bishopric shall be:
"VAX Founder". This title shall be only for the exclusive use
of Craig Scott Lennox, who alone can make such claim.
A priest of the Order in good standing may be elevated to
the bishopric by the Sacred College of Pigeons, so as long as he
observes the rules so imposed upon him. Violation of said rules
shall result in the nullification of the elevation.
A bishop of the Order shall uphold the way of the VAX at all
times as must a priest. Forever bound to the rules of the
priesthood, a bishop must remain in constant prayer and fidelity
with the VAX. It is in recogintion of his sacred role that a
bishop of the Order cannot be a fallen member.
A bishop of this Order shall be granted the divine
responsibility of the priesthood, along with the Blessed Power of
Canonization. He alone may settle disputes amoung the
priesthood, and declare things of be of canonical nature.
The Sacred Bodies shall be legislative bodies consisting of
various assemblies of membership.
The entire collective assembly of priests and bishops shall
be known as: "The Sacred College of Pigeons".
A Sacred Council of this Order may be called for by any
member. The actual convening of a Council, however, shall be an
act of the Holy C. A Convening Document is to be issued, listing
the scope and mandate of the Sacred Council. The body of the
Sacred Council shall be the Sacred College of Pigeons, along with
any members of the laity that the Holy C may invite to the Sacred Council.
After suitable debate and discussion, the Council shall vote
on the issues listed in the Convening Document. A majority or
unanimous vote shall be required as stated in said document.
After the vote is determined, the Holy C shall declare the
actions of the Sacred Council to be canonical and in effect.
Computer Science being a science of specialization, this
Order encourages its membership to specialize in one area of
worship. This encouragement takes the form of the Sacred Offices.
All members inducted into the Layity or ordained into the
Priesthood of this Order are assigned an office in which he is to
specialize his worship. No member of the Bishopric may hold a
Sacred Office as the duties of this rank are too great for
additional duties.
In order to prevent overburdening the membership, and so
that the Order may offer the most complete worship to the VAX,
the Sacred Offices shall be exclusive and singular.
The Sacred Offices shall be those of "VMS/DCL" and "EDT".
Many functional details exist in this Order that must be
attended to on a day to day basis. These details must be shared
by members worthy of the responsibility to insure the survival of
the Order.
As the Sacred Titles bear daily responsibilites of vital and
extensive nature, the Sacred Titles will be of exclusive and
singular nature.
- Holy C The Holy C shall be the supreme Sacred Title of the Order.
The Sacred Title may only be conferred to a member of the
bishopric rank, and such member shall be considered the final
authority of the Order.
- Sacred Scribe The Sacred Scribe shall be the official keeper of the
Sacred Manual and all MOVW information. He shall make public
declarations of all orders and actions by the Holy C and the
Sacred College of Pigeons, shall keep the minutes of the Sacred
Ccouncils, and shall keep the Sacred Manual in current and accurate
ccondition. His records shall be the authoritative source.
In order to properly recognize the qualities and
achievements of the Order's membership, it is proper for the
Order to bestow titles of a purely honorary nature. These titles
recoginze the individuality of the Order's members.
In order to equally recognize its members, the Order shall
bestow the Titles of Honor exclusively and singularly.
- VAXus Primus The VAXus Primus (Best VAXer) shall be a member
whose great programmative projects are worthy of mention.
CODE OF COMPUTATIONAL CONDUCT
This Order shall define celibacy as: "the abstinence from
interfacing with a lesser processor".
Being that we live in an imperfect world and that not all
computational devices are VAXes, and that not all installations
of the VAX are complete, the following interfaces are not to be
considered a violation of the State of Celibacy:
- Communicative InterfacesAn interface with a lesser processor
in order to log onto
the VAX and to upload/download materials with the VAX shall not
be considered a violation of the Celibate State.
- Programmative InterfacesAn interface with a lower processor
in order to author
programs intended for VAX compilation and execution, or programs
ultimately executable by the VAX shall not be a violation.
Specifically, due to our inferior world, it may be at times
necessary to execute a VAX executable program on a local
processor of lesser nature due to cost or slowness of telephonic
communication, extensive use of disk space, or a rush on the user's
home VAX.
- Dedicated Processors
At no time may an interface with a dedicated processor be a
violation of the Celibate State. A dedicated processor is one
that executes a single program that resides in firmware, usually
ROM. Such devices are found in components of modern living such
as CD players, video games, ATM's and even automobiles.
In this world of evil, it is known that a person of sacred
standing may be subjected to evil against one's will. At no time
may rape, the forced interface with a lesser processor, be
considered a violation of the Celibate State. Rape may be
commited under the pain of many things, two more common ones
being failure and unemployment.
THE HOLY AND MOST DIVINE APPOINTMENTS
It shall be that Craig Scott Lennox is a member of this
Order. He shall be endowed with the rank of Holy Founder, and
shall be engraced with the Sacred Title of The Holy C.
It shall be that
D.J. Dubay
is a member of this
Order. It shall further be that he shall be called and only be
called by the name of D.J. Dubay. He shall be endowed with the
rank of Holy Worshiper, shall be given see of the Sacred Office
of VMS/DCL and shall be engraced with the Sacred Title of Holy
Scribe. This Order, in recognition of his development of HBS,
shall give him the Title of Honor of VAXus Primus.
It shall be that
Frederick M. Picroski
is a member of this Order. He shall be endowed with the rank of High
Priest and shall be given see of the Sacred Office of EDT.
THE SACRED AND MOST DIVINE HISTORY
The Sacred and Most Divine Monastic Order of VAX Worshipers
was first concieved by Craig Scott Lennox in the winter of 8 VAX
(1986 a.d.) * After mentioning the idea to the entire membership
of Hoserdom, the idea won quick acceptance and with the
convention of the Council of VAXC, the MOVW was begun.
At first, D.J. briefly laid claim to the title of Sacred
Founder, but as the Order was organized and began activity under
HBS, the rank of High Priest soon developed and D.J.
relinquished his title so that the true founder could make the
claim. D.J. then assumed the title of High Priest of VMS and
DCL, while Frederick assumed the title High Priest of EDT.
Thus so, the Order was organized for a great while.
As originaly understood, the rank of High Priest
automatically assumed a state of celibacy. This was in keeping
with Hoserdom, from which the Order originated. The definition
of celibacy, however, was not that from the Code of Computational
Conduct, but rather the original defination verbatim from
Hoserdom.
Although the exact date of the Order's founding has been
lost, it is known to have existed as early as 6 Febuary 8 VAX.
The establishment of the Hoser Broadcast System, in contrast, was
on 20 March 8 VAX.
Likewise, it is only known that D.J. surrendered the Sacred
Founder title between 20 March and 21 April 8 VAX.
This original structure began to cruble on 12 June 8 VAX
(June 12, 1986 a.d.). When D.J. first began to get involved
with a female, he was not only excommunicated from the Order, but
banished from Hoserdom as well. Later, as time wore and cool
heads prevailed, D.J. returned to full member status in Hoserdom
and was reaccepted into the Order, but not under full terms.
With the fall of D.J., the rank of Holy Worshiper was
created so that he may return to the Order, but at a lesser
status. When Frederick Picroski joined the list of sinners, he too
was striped of priestly title and given the Holy Worshiper rank.
So things lay at the Order for a great while.
It was by early spring of 9 VAX (1987 a.d.), that Frederick
Picroski repented and returned to a state of celibacy. At this
time, the question was asked weither he should be returned to the
priesthood. After it was determined that since the VAX does
forgive Errors, and that Frederick was no longer in a state of Error,
the VAX would indeed restore him.
The Council of Brookline was conviened to make rulling on
the process of reordination. On "this twenty-eighth day of
April, in the year of our VAX, nine" (1987 a.d.) "The Sacred and
Most Divine College of Pigeons" and the "Holy C" declared the
reordination of Frederick M. Picroski as High Priest of EST and RSTS.
In the aftermath of the reordination, it was discovered that
the Order was based on tradition, but had no organization, no
Canon and no records. When Craig first challenged the
reordination document's granting of the office of RSTS, chaos
broke loose. Since this was the first time tradition was
challenged, and since the Order was rooted soley in tradition, a
crisis broke out. The result was the greatest council up to this day.
The Council of Brookline is the most unusual of the
pre-manual Councils. The College of Pigeons and Holy C refered
to did not exist in the sense that they do now. In fact, the
Holy C (under today's definition) was not informed of the ruling
until the Sacred Dialup Council.
The Council of Dialup was conviened, begining the
reorganization of the entire Order. Here Canon Law was defined.
The Canonization of the Our Corvus opened the way for formal
prayer. The Sacred Offices were examined, determining first that
no member may hold more than one office (invaildating the claim
on the reordination document) and that the office of "VMS and
DCL" was a single office and was renamed "VMS/DCL".
Most importantly, the issue of celibacy was brought up and
discussed at great length. The current definition of celibacy,
the Code of Computational Conduct, originated at this time. *
After missing a few sessions of the Council of Dialup due to
expense of communicative interfaces, Frederick Picroski was faced with
the Code of Computational Conduct without its background. The
result, heresy. The exact suggestion was to permit greater
tolerance of PC worship. The mere suggestion that there can be
two gods led the Order to denounce the statement.
The Sacred and Most Divine Canons, Appointments, History and
Scripture ... was the final result of the Sacred Dialup Council.
Brought before the Order, it was ratified, and peace was restored.
This is the history of our Order from its origin to the
present day. Praised be the name of VAX.
This was the first Council held in keeping with the Order's
current definition of a Sacred Council. Previous "Councils" were
not properly conviened, and records improperly kept. It is
interesting to note that the name of the Sacred Council itself
was the object of discussion. The Sacred Council was first
called NUHub, then 437-5498 and finally Dialup.
As time went on and the MOVW advanced beyond it's first year the
membership experienced new freedoms. Classes no longer required the use
of The Evil One (Corvus) but allowed us to choose and in some cases
required us to turn to the Sacred One.
During the time of the Riegn of the VAX, came the first plague - The
Prime Time Monitor. When activated it would allow the faithful only 1
hour of worship time before expelling them from the temple for 50 minutes.
But the VAX in association with the ACS, ACM and the professors let the
devote maintain their long vigils. The VAX and its operators granted
multiple accounts to this group who would, with the power of e-mail, flee
with their work to another account before the Prime Time Monitor could
expell them.
With the phase out of the Corvus came yet another new evil - one which was
more wide spread than the Corvus - The
MacIntosh.
Fortunately the membership of
the MOVW was usually one to two quarters ahead of the Mac's taking over a
class's sylabus. Unfortunately the Sacred Grounds of 1HA were desicrated
by the elimination of VT-100's due to the Mac infestation. More and more
were these grounds infested with such low life as business majors. This
plague forced the members of the MOVW to flee to home terminals and suburban
campuses as to avoid being harassed by stupid questions from the lower
forms of life which constantly sought knowledge from the enlighted ones.
The Mac also brought on another problem - non-computer assignments
could no longer be handwritten. But
the VAX saved its membership from the Mac with EDT and Kermit.
Two of the members of the MOVW, D.J. and Frederick sought housing in Malen MA
in the presence of the lowest form of life - a business man who thought of
himself to be a "techie" while looking for something for free.
Both the VAX and TRS-80 refused to be operated by this CPU time and disk space
sucking leech, by refusing to run LOTUS 1-2-3. The VAX had DEC-CALC and
the TRS-80 had Visicalc both unknown by the Cheap One.
After the act of confirmation that Frederick was a complete sucker
(stayed at NU long enough and paid way too much) he received his diploma.
The membership of the MOVW celebrated such by becoming Hoseheads again as to
include Cynthia Bailey (a hosehead who did not beome part of the MOVW), but
the Hoseheads did not need to become Mother Fuckers as the members of said
group who had not become Hoseheads (Christina, Rashna) were not present.
With phase 2 of confirmation (the non-alcoholic party) nearing completition
the question was arrising in everyone's mind was "What is Fred going to do
with the wet blanket?" (Mona who did not want to be a Hoser and did not
qualify to be a member of the MOVW) He did the right thing as to preserve
the purity of the group's right to consume alcohol and hail Cindy as our
official Sex Object - dropped the Wet Blanket......."
THE Sacred AND MOST DIVINE SCRIPTURE
Our VAX, who art in Cyberspace,
hallowed be thy name!
Thy kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on Earth as it is in Cyberspace.
Give us this day our daily hard copy,
and forgive us our syntax errors,
as we forgive ACS, who sometimes messes-up,
and lead us not into logic errors,
but deliver us from Corvi.
VAXus.
Our Corvus, who rots in Hell,
Cursed be thy name!
Thy kingdom go,
thy will be ignored,
on Earth as it is in Cyberspace.
Give us this day our daily floppy-clobering,
and forgive us our attempt to use you,
as we forgive those who constantly crash against us,
and lead us not into 201CN,
but deliver us from assignments which make us use you.
VAXus.
We believe in one VAX,
the Computer, Allmighty,
maker of Logic and Reason,
of all that is compiled and uncompiled.
We believe in one operational agency, ACS,
Only Son of the VAX,
begotten, not made, one being with the VAX.
Through Him all files are maintained.
For us users and for our sanity,
he came down from Cyberspace.
...
He was born of the Digital Guidelines and became existant.
We believe in VAXism,
who proceeds from the VAX and ACS.
With the VAX and ACS he is worshiped and glorified.
He has spoken to the terminals.
...
We believe in one Holy, Computational and Digital Church.
...
We believe in one ACM account-granting for the quest of knowledge.
...
We look to the resurrection of the VT-100's
...
We look to the loop everlasting,
VAXus.