Welcome to the Law Offices of
Atty Beavizshefsky
Beavizshefski and Buttstien
youngbeavis
 We'll work hard
for
our percentage!
If you've been dissed,
Don't get pissed
Call us in a flash
And let's get their cash!

 		youngbutthead
Atty Buttstien
Tell them you want money and lots of it!

Specializing in:

          We'll make sure it's like the lottery hit you
`         Let our $taff doctors examine and document
  1. $oft tissue damage
  2. Nerve damage
  3. P$ychological damage
Don't seek revenge, seek cash!
It's YOUR home! You owe nothing to nobody (except us of course.....)
All these are the landlord's:
Sue your parents for a retroactive allowance increase
The sicker you are, the richer we'll all be!
Turn your scars, scrapes, blemishes and bumps into cold cash!
Let us turn your hard working ex into your personnel ATM
Did your ex say something bad about your house keeping skills? Let us show your ex that you really can keep a house!
Who ever cares enough to afford us, is obviously the better parent
We believe in the Golden Rule - If you got the gold you rule!
Why pay more to be innocent?  "Not guilty" will keep you on the streets.
We'll keep you out of jail so you can pay your bill.
We'll find a church and help you sue it!
Turn that pain in your butt into back pain and starting collecting at home in front of your TV
ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) Compliance
ANA (Americans with No abilities Act) Compliance
Let us referee your family's feud when you're gone
Let us manage your estate - so there's nothing to fight over!
We can turn almost any reason into a discrimination suit!
Tardiness - Discrimination against those with a nocturnal lifestyle (8 or 9 to 5'ers only)
Possession is 9/10ths of the law
Pay us in full and you need not pay anyone else again
Stop annoying creditors from getting their money back
When Henry no longer Fitz Patrick or Patrick no longer Fitz Henry...
Turned down for a date because the object of your affection is straight?  Let's sue that homophobe!  (Men: Don't even ask us....)
Turned down like that just because you're fat?  Let's sue that flabaphobe!
Turned down for a date because you're just plain ugly?  Sucks to be you!.
Put your case in our hands and let us get a feel, for what your needs are.  Our hard working attorneys will look at your cases and demand satisfaction
Chickens should not be choked.
There is no need for spanking a monkey
Member of PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals)

Fees

We work om a sliding scale
as of May 27, 2006

Male - Full Price (This chart can be applied to your sister, wife or mother)
Female - Please use the following Cart

Attribute
 Discount Percent (%)
Prude
 0 Nada, Zip Zilch - We get nothing, you get nothing!
Hot
 10%
Slutty
 20% to 100%


A Cup
 5%
B Cup
 10%
C Cup
 15%
D Cup
 20%


1rst Base
 10%
2nd Base
 15%
3rd Base
 20%
Home Run
 30%